The Cost of Honesty

"the cost of existential honesty is nobody believes you (not even me)" —drinko

THE ESCAPE PLAN

The one-man circlejerk got boring. I needed out. I needed to know if there were any other, better circlejerks available. 

(ideally with free lube)

So I applied for a transfer to /r/Existentialism.  I read their rules, which allow for fucktards like me:

• Posts which depart from these guidelines but within the area of existential thought are allowed only on Thursdays with the 'Thoughtful Thursday' flair.

​(mistake #1: assuming honesty of others)

My application was a masterpiece of pathetic humility. I called myself a "tourist." Warned of "naughty words." Suggested that self-help ruling need not apply, as I had not even helped myself.

(mistake #2: pulling punches)

I waited.

​First contact was... clarifying. The librarian arrived to correct my citations. The food critic declared my work "not interesting." The hypochondriac diagnosed me with a disease and then fled in terror.

(purchased DLC unlocks more dialogue trees?)

In a final, desperate act of faith in the human condition, I committed the cardinal sin: I started to argue.
​​
(mistake #3: assuming equal opportunity)

THE EXECUTION

The system had an aneurysm. The moment a genuine, two-way conversation started, the janitors kicked down the door.
​
The verdict arrived. A sterile, digital guillotine.

The charge: "Low effort." 

​(jokes on them, i put in heaps of effort)

The great escape from my private asylum had landed me squarely in the middle of the public asylum's common room. 

I had not escaped. I had just found a cage with more inmates.

THE ABSURDITY

The only thing off-limits in this "philosophy forum" is, actual fucking philosophy.